Wednesday 17 February 2010

#36 - Ginger

Ronaldinho is a very skillful player. He's scored brilliant goals [1][2][etc], and for some time was the greatest player on the planet. He almost even signed for Manchester United, the lucky lucky man. Unforunately he didn't. Fortunately we still have Paul Scholes (pictured). Who performed the most convincing trick that would make anyone has ever witnessed. He convinced many that he was actually trying to score with his right foot. In fact he shaped up his left peg at the most perfect angle to slip it past Dida's right hand post to score the equaliser. It was a world class dummy. The world doesn't even know it.

Don't tell me anything different.

Of course, that wasn't the full story of the match. Ronaldinho himself opened the scoring after it took a fortunate deflection off Carrick (or if you heard Andy Gray without watching the replays, Jonny Evans - several times - he almost made it sound like Ronaldinho intended it. Ronaldinho is not Scholes). From that point on our defence was as shaky as some shaky things doing the shaky-shaky during some sort of earthquake. Jonny Evans clearly looked quite intimidated by the San Siro. The even more intimidated by Sir Alex after quite the ear bashing and with more mentions of the word "fuck" than almost any episode of the brilliant The Thick of It. Then, the Ginger Ninja pounced!

So it stayed until half-time, in which hair dryers were turned on. There were short blackouts reported throughout Milan. Then came the second half. Wayne Rooney has pretty much turned into the complete package of a striker this season. Improving on an already brilliant template. Antonio Valencia came on for Nani, who although he didn't shine as he has done recently, didn't really get enough chances to run at Giuseppe Favalli, 103. Valencia it was who only a few minutes after he came off the bench dinked in a beautiful cross for Wayne Rooney to head it looping over Dida. Dinked is a real word, possibly. Then it was "big-game" or as I prefer to say "any-game" Darren Fletcher who as well as continuing to be a formidable engine in the middle put in a lovely ball for Rooney's second. From then on, with us playing incredibly better the game seemed like a formality. Even the second leg. That was until late on when Clarence Seedorf, 158, scored with a cheeky flick - though not as cheeky as Scholes. Late on Carrick was sent off for a second yellow on the grounds of pure pedanticalness. It probably was a second yellow, but it was also unnecessary. 3-2 the final score. Which would have all wanted before the match, but afterwards, sort of feel a bit annoyed about now. Still. We're in the driving seat now, and we know how to beat them. The stigma of the San Siro has ended.

Of course, many people will be wondering what happened to our second striker, Own Goal. Who wasn't playing last night. Which is especially surprising given his excellent run of form. His equaliser against Aston Villa was his 10th of the season. Eat your heart out, Dimitar.

The Villa match, a sort-of preview but-not-really of the upcoming League Cup final should have been our path to first place after Louis Saha scored twice to sink Chelsea. Alas, possibly due to Nani's stupid sending off (although we continued to be the better side) it only finished as a draw. Chelsea though, are definitely there for the taking. Especially with Ashley "phone" Cole out until possibly the end of the season.

In bizarre transfer news Mark Davies, the relatively competent Bolton midfielder is apparently being tracked by United and Liverpool. Considering he's not even good enough for Liverpool this is probably baloney. I imagine an agent has been wink-winking the press in hope of his player (and from that himself) getting a better contract. Or maybe it's the fact that it's his birthday tomorrow.

This blog has been brought to you by;
  • Trying to do the "Scholes flick"/"Ninja dummy".
  • Thinking Moho is the best place for small gigs in Manchester.
  • Charlie Brooker's Newswipe.
  • Being surprised that "pedanticalness" is the adjective form of "pedantic".


  1. haha! I would have preferred the Ninja-Dummy to the Scholes-flick, a little too on the nose i think!
    As always an excellent read!

  2. The Ninja-Dummy! I like it, from now on, I'll call it the Ninja-Dummy!

    And thank you!

  3. ferguson said (and i quote) that he "was giving him(evans) gentle advice". I`m just glad he wasnt angry :D
    the ninja dummy was awesome and only scholes could have done it.
    was hoping to read something about rafa`s new rant about how uefa cup is not inferior to CL. ahhh good old rafa..
    Anyways.. another excellent post.

  4. Hahaha, I missed that actually, or it happened after I posted. I forget.

    Rafa really is mental. Although I am enjoying a few of the games in the Europa League. Ajax vs. Juventus was good last night.