Moving!

I've decided to move the blog over to Rossobianchi.blogspot.com because that's much better and easier to remember than what it is right now. So, I've switched everything (comments included). I've not idea what that does for RSS feeds or anything like that so they may need updating.

New post after the friendly tonight/tomorrow morning! Involving cups of milk, MLS "All-Stars", Wizard of Oz refrences and usual bad jokes.

Also, I'm on twitter! Holla: @FilippoInzaghi

#38 - Return

What the? What the god damn hell is this? A blog?

So what's happened since I last posted (pictured)? Well it would take a very long to go through it all, especially since I've already forgotten most of what has happened so I'll try anyway:

UnitedtrashedACMilan4-0athomeandallwerehappythengoodthingskepthappeninguntilwe
lostawaytoBayernMunichathometoChelsea(wronged)andwonBayernathomebutloston
goaldifference.Goaldifferenceisastupidruleanyway.Thingswerestilllookinggoodforthe
leaguethoughuntilwedrewawaytoBlackburn.Blackburnisastupidplaceanyway.Thenwe
wontherestofthegamestotheendoftheseasonbutendedupfinishingsecond.ThenIwas
boredforagesbecausetherewasnogoodfootball.BenFosterleftforBirminghamandZoran
TosicleftforCSKA.Sixpeopleweresurprised.JackShephardmanagedtosavethecastof
LOSTitwasquitesad.ThentheworldcupstartedandonceagainEnglandwererubbish.
JohnTerrycontinuedtomakeanidiotoutofhimselfandsomehowCapellogotblamedfor
havingshitplayers.WayneRooneyalsogotblamedbutthatwasprobablyaninjurything.
ThenallTVpunditstotallyforgotthatDiegoForlanhadwontheGoldenBoottwicesincehe
leftOldTraffordandweretotallybemudbythefacthewasbrilliant.ThenSpainwonthe
WorldCupbecausethey'rethebestinternationalteamI'veeverseen.Unitedthenputina
bidforSneidjerwhichwaspitifulbuthenallofasuddensuchabiddidnotevenhappen.Owen
Hargreavesgotinjuredandweallgotabittearyforawhile.Thenwewereboredforabitand
theUnitedfinallyplayedagaininafriendlymatchandbeatCelticlikealways.

And that's how it will always be remembered. Now back to the present day.

Mario Ballotelli is being constantly linked with a move to a club in Manchester. Whether it's ourselves or City is another thing entirely. Hopefully he'll go to City where he can continue his role as constant thorn in the side of squad harmony. He was stopped in Milan by police for showing a cap gun out his car window. He'll soon learn about what a gun is if he tries that in any of the rough areas (most of the areas) near Eastlands.

More rumours ahoy, of course, and the usual suspects continue.

In fact, here's a shortlist of players we have been linked with because people are bored, and who we will not sign because we have no money:

Mario Ballotelli, Wesley Sneidjer, Luis Fabiano*, Joe Cole (obviously), Angel di Maria (obviously), Joao Moutinho (obviously), Raul, Jack Rodwell, Steven Jovetic, Raul Meireles, David de Gea, Alexis Sanchez, Bruno Alves, Mesut Ozil, Philip Lahm, Thomas Muller, Bastian Schweinsteiger, Manuel Neuer, David Hasselhoff, Franz Beckenbauer, and Herr Deutchsland o Bratwurst und Deutsch verschiedenen Stereotypen.

*who started his own rumours then signed for Sevilla and was proud of himself for crushing the rumours.

Matty James has unsurprisingly gone on loan to Preston North End. Where absolutely every other United reserve will soon be heading on loan until Ole Gunnar is left managing some 8 year olds. Except Danny Welbeck who seems to be going on loan to Sunderland where he'll sit on a bench waiting for Bent or Jones to get injured.

Of course there's even more fun into be had in rumours of players leaving Old Trafford. Nemanja Vidic, who was going to leave in 2007 is still being linked with a move away. Unlike Ronaldo when we all knew it was his dream to move to Real Madrid. All anyone really knows about Vidic's so called "desire to leave" is that his wife might not like Manchester all that much. Not sure why - Manchester is brilliant, we've got... er... Old Trafford, and er... er... a Hard Rock Cafe, and er... er... that's not the point!

Sky Sports produced a major lack of pun fun when running Danny Drinkwater's quotes about wanting to prove himself at United and nowhere mentioning that he was "thirsty for success".

So that's my post done, and part of my public service over.

This blog has been brought you by;

• 5 months of reader anticipation.
• Honey Loops
  
• Lack of real football.
  

#37 - Bumper

Dear readers (all 8 of you) I apologise for my laziness, but it's chronic. It's a disability really. Unfortunately people have little sympathy for it, espcially when it comes to giving out cash. So, with that out of the way, time to write. So, in optimistic fashion. Let's start with good news:

Owen Hargreaves (pictured) could be finally closer to to a return to reserves for his first game since 1984 for the Reserves against Mancester City Reserves. For those of you who don't remember Owen Hargreaves he was a catalyst in the 07-08 season as was capable of this. Also, he has the permission to shag many, many men's wives.

And the bad news, Michael Owen has been confirmed to be out for the rest of the season after his hamstring injury. He joins Anderson and John O'Shea who will also be missing over our most important period. Fortunately for Owen he's scored against City and in a League Cup final. Which is pretty good for a freebie who everyone expected to totally flop.

There's been some blame given to the pitch at Wembley stadium for the damage done to Mickey Owen. The pitch has declined to comment.

But, to go back to good news now and mess with your emotional stability. Kiko "Hard Bastard" Macheda could be back shortly too. The angular-faced italian will always be loved for this. With Welbeck out on loan and Owen out now, Macheda has only Diouf to compete with to get on the bench if Rooney and Berbatov are to start. This could will be the time for the little italian to show what he's made of.

So, how about last weekend then ey? Many people blame the Glazers for the ridiculous amount of debt but perhaps the price of silver polish and trophy cabinets are much more than we can imagine. As another League Cup is picked up and added to the list. For those who are counting, we are now 3 domestic trophies ahead of Liverpool and 39 ahead of Manchester City. That's a nice stat. You don't hear that on Match of the Day.

So. Is it time to start claiming that Wayne Rooney is the best striker in the world? Or has he been for some time?

For those interested in that kind of stuff, there was international football midweek. International friendlies even, to add to the tedium of it all. I can never get the spirit to talk about it. I do enjoy them and I do watch them, but like 90% of US sitcoms, my mind is entirely blank afterwards.

Nani has recommended Miguel Veloso for United sign. Unlike many other people who would recommend him, Nani has actually seen him play and didn't just sign him once on Football Manager. Sporting Clube de Portugal have been rather dire this season (despite their 3-0 wins over Porto and Everton recently) and now if anytime would be the best time to swoop for their players. Joao Moutinho is still excellent too. Then again, with Sporting recently becoming City's feeder club, would they be ok with selling players to us?

Oh, for those of you wanting to hear something about the Red Knights/MUST vs. Glazers confrontation. I couldn't tell you. I'm financially dyslexic. That's why I'm poor. This sadly has leg to the non-Sport members of the press to try and come up with football related puns to sound cool and hip with the normally uninterested football fans who will now be following. And embarassing like a Dad who tries to talk like Fresh Prince in front of his son's friends.

This blog was brought to you by;

• Playing Heavy Rain.
• Looking forward to Final Fantasy XIII.
• Having no John Terry jokes to tell because everyone's already said them all.
  

Almost

Super-mega-duper-awesom-o post, coming tomorrow. I just want to you all know that I am not dead.

#36 - Ginger

Ronaldinho is a very skillful player. He's scored brilliant goals [1][2][etc], and for some time was the greatest player on the planet. He almost even signed for Manchester United, the lucky lucky man. Unforunately he didn't. Fortunately we still have Paul Scholes (pictured). Who performed the most convincing trick that would make anyone has ever witnessed. He convinced many that he was actually trying to score with his right foot. In fact he shaped up his left peg at the most perfect angle to slip it past Dida's right hand post to score the equaliser. It was a world class dummy. The world doesn't even know it.

Don't tell me anything different.

Of course, that wasn't the full story of the match. Ronaldinho himself opened the scoring after it took a fortunate deflection off Carrick (or if you heard Andy Gray without watching the replays, Jonny Evans - several times - he almost made it sound like Ronaldinho intended it. Ronaldinho is not Scholes). From that point on our defence was as shaky as some shaky things doing the shaky-shaky during some sort of earthquake. Jonny Evans clearly looked quite intimidated by the San Siro. The even more intimidated by Sir Alex after quite the ear bashing and with more mentions of the word "fuck" than almost any episode of the brilliant The Thick of It. Then, the Ginger Ninja pounced!

So it stayed until half-time, in which hair dryers were turned on. There were short blackouts reported throughout Milan. Then came the second half. Wayne Rooney has pretty much turned into the complete package of a striker this season. Improving on an already brilliant template. Antonio Valencia came on for Nani, who although he didn't shine as he has done recently, didn't really get enough chances to run at Giuseppe Favalli, 103. Valencia it was who only a few minutes after he came off the bench dinked in a beautiful cross for Wayne Rooney to head it looping over Dida. Dinked is a real word, possibly. Then it was "big-game" or as I prefer to say "any-game" Darren Fletcher who as well as continuing to be a formidable engine in the middle put in a lovely ball for Rooney's second. From then on, with us playing incredibly better the game seemed like a formality. Even the second leg. That was until late on when Clarence Seedorf, 158, scored with a cheeky flick - though not as cheeky as Scholes. Late on Carrick was sent off for a second yellow on the grounds of pure pedanticalness. It probably was a second yellow, but it was also unnecessary. 3-2 the final score. Which would have all wanted before the match, but afterwards, sort of feel a bit annoyed about now. Still. We're in the driving seat now, and we know how to beat them. The stigma of the San Siro has ended.

Of course, many people will be wondering what happened to our second striker, Own Goal. Who wasn't playing last night. Which is especially surprising given his excellent run of form. His equaliser against Aston Villa was his 10th of the season. Eat your heart out, Dimitar.

The Villa match, a sort-of preview but-not-really of the upcoming League Cup final should have been our path to first place after Louis Saha scored twice to sink Chelsea. Alas, possibly due to Nani's stupid sending off (although we continued to be the better side) it only finished as a draw. Chelsea though, are definitely there for the taking. Especially with Ashley "phone" Cole out until possibly the end of the season.

In bizarre transfer news Mark Davies, the relatively competent Bolton midfielder is apparently being tracked by United and Liverpool. Considering he's not even good enough for Liverpool this is probably baloney. I imagine an agent has been wink-winking the press in hope of his player (and from that himself) getting a better contract. Or maybe it's the fact that it's his birthday tomorrow.

This blog has been brought to you by;

• Trying to do the "Scholes flick"/"Ninja dummy".
• Thinking Moho is the best place for small gigs in Manchester.
• Charlie Brooker's Newswipe.
• Being surprised that "pedanticalness" is the adjective form of "pedantic".
  

#35 - O.G.

Sir Alex has a wonderful eye for talent. None more so than this years latest signing Mr. O. Goal (pictured), we don't know much about this mysterious player other than his recent form is quite exceptional. After scoring the opener against Arsenal, O.G. went on to net a hat-trick against helpless Portsmouth. Portsmouth, who are managed by Baron Silas Greenback who, inspite of what his team may doing on the pitch, is not shy of scoring himself.

Mr. Goal has now scored more goals than any other player this season bar Wayne Rooney. Of course, the mysterious underground illumnati new world order group that is the Dubious Goals Panel may take some away from him. Some would claim that Michael Carrick's shot was going on target before it took a quite spectacular deflection. The Dubious Goal Committee (a.k.a. Dubious Goals Skull and Bones Society) is a cult full of bizarre and degrading initiation rituals. They dwell in a medieval room under a church and sit around a round table in candle light. They can't know each others identity in case they discuss goals with each other so they have to wear horse masks for all their meetings. Someone please tell Alex Jones. And wait patiently for Dan Brown's next book The Da Vinci Goal.

After that revelaing insight, I think they'll come after me now. And take my hard earned goals away. Well they would, if it wasn't for my professional record of 0 appearances and 0 goals. Which cuts me at a ratio of a goal of game, sort of.

So next up is our future League Cup final opponents, Aston Villa. Away at Villa Park is usually a guarenteed result but Aston Villa did beat us earlier this season at home. Unfortunately for them, this is our time of the season to steam roll as quickly as possible to the title. Judging by their negative performance against Tottenham Hotspur we may well see a recreation of the style of match we had against Portsmouth. Defence vs. Attack.

Then comes the big one in the San Siro, David Beckham's AC Milan. AC Milan have got over their bit of good form lately and are back to being their under performing selves. Though recently this may have been due to the abscene of Alessandro Nesta. Who I'm pretty sure has another good 30 years to go before he needs to retire.

Beck's though has been heaping praise on the club and the fans lately. He clearly wants us not to boo him. We won't, we still love you, David.

In our last piece of news-worthy news our kid Matty James has gone on loan to... no, you guess. Go on. Who do you think? Yep, you're right, the new Royal Antwerp - Preston North End. Sir Alex must really be close with their manager, eh?

So, Google Analytics is a very useful tool for seeing how people get to this blog. Usually it's through the excellent Repulik of Mancunia blog but sometimes strange google searches seem to pop us up as a result. Here's a few examples of what people have searched to get here: "edwin var sars favourite colour", "djemba djemba transfer rumours 2009", and the champion of all bizarre searches to get here - "kaka licking sucking michael owen his cock". Lovely stuff. What sort of weird internet porn is that? Go on, which one of you was it?

This blog has been brought to you by;

• Wanting to watch Danger Mouse again.
• The brilliant new Crime in Stereo album "I Was Going to Describe You to Someone."
• Frosties.
  

#34 - Well

According to reports on the 23rd January 2010 we signed Nani. Who's been excellent in his first 3 games for the club, and much more promising than our previous Nani who we must have sold or thrown in the skip. That is a bit harsh on Nani who in the past few years hasn't been able to get a run of games and only had a brilliant game for about every 1 in 7 or so.

The boy though, seems to have become a man. And whilst we should not get ahead of ourselves like many were on praising Obertan after a ridiculously short amount of time on the pitch the future does look bright for Nani as he plays on the right wing instead of his usual favoured left. This of course, means Antonio Valencia will need to have his right leg surgicially switched with his left to be in the first team.

Now then. Where to start? It would make sense to start at the beginning but maybe I want to do it like LOST and have flashbacks. Probably not right now.

On Nani's debut against Hull City, Manchester United after being robbed by Mike Dean who unsurprisingly is from Mersyside they bounced back. Most people who have been robbed report it to the police or go on Crimewatch, not us though, oh no! The surprise start of new signing Nani against Hull City was a huge breath of fresh air, and inevitably comparisons to Crisitano Ronaldo were made. We were rampant against Hull City - but then we were always going to be - we were playing Hull City. Wayne Rooney decided scoring 4 goals is good for a laugh.

Now then came the second leg against our former City rivals who have now been replaced with a toy for a super-billionaire. It's sort of like supporting someone who's cheating on Football Manger. Of course most City fans will clog their eyes and shout "la-la-la" whilst trying to cover up the "Stockport" part of their address and claiming to live exactly in the very centre of Manchester. United played the this-blogger-approved 4-5-1 system. Many people who don't watch any football outside of England assume that 4-4-2 is the only formation that exists. They also assume it is attacking. It is not. Formations are neutral. You can play 6-4-0 and still be an attacking team. Anyway. The atmosphere was excellent and the Green and Gold campaign was getting noticed. Which is helpful as it's a bright colour. The black coats campaign wouldn't be very visible.

Scholesy, Carrick and an injury time winner by Wayne Rooney put us through to yet another final. We may as well just have our own changing room in Wembley Stadium now. Some scruffy looking Argentine fella scored for City but that's entirely irrelevant. Spirits were high, as club in debt beat club with the classic "Bovine" cheat. In retaliation Manchester City will probably sign 17 new players by the transfer deadline in a few hours.

Then came a far bigger match against Arsenal. Our league form in the first half of the season had been sloppy - but then again, isn't it always? Our record against the big four teams in the Premier League was very poor in recent games but in what may have caused many Arsenal fans flashbacks to the Champions League semi-final we cruised to victory. Nani's superb bit of skill resulted in a harsly awarded Manuel Almunia own goal. Although personally I would have given the goal to Nani, just 'cause I say so. Minutes later, Rooney made it to in a goal which was scored in the exact same amount of time as Cristiano Ronaldo's beautiful counter attack in the Champions League last season. Ji-Sung Park rounded off the scoring as he always likes to do against Arsenal. This hopefully, becoming the boost for our 2nd half plunder of the Premiership to win it for a record 19th time, and a record 4th time in a row.

That's not all, oh no.

News on Keith Harris (apparently not pictured with Orville) is gathering some sort of group of Red Knights to take over the club from the Glazers. It all sounds very promising but would the Glazers who are succesfully raping our club of many millions of pounds want to sell such a get-richer-quicker scheme?

The Red Knights name though is interesting. If they are succesful in taking over the club they could all sit around a King Artuhur-esque Round Table and rename Old Trafford to Camelot. Not to be confused with the crappy theme park of the same name in Chorley.

Hopefully then all good news, everywhere. Unless you're Wayne Bridge.

And for those watching Sky Sports News on Transfer Deadline Day. Nothing is going to happen. Unless it does, in which case I look like an idiot. Hurrah.

This blog has been brought you by;

• Milka Chocolate
• Cockiness
• Team Teamwork's excellent mash-up album of hip-hop and Final Fantasy VII. Vinyl Fantasy 7.
  

#33 - Burned

Imagine the scene. You and your child are walking down the street. It's a nice day outside. There's birds singing folk songs with remarkable skill. Your child then tugs on a tattooed man's arm for a bit because he was wondering what it was, until he realises if he tugs it any longer he may get in trouble. Then out of nowhere an evil bald man shouts at your child, steals his favourite toy and gives it to a nearby cave dweller (pictured). The cave dweller then steals another of your childs toys and shows off the size of his ears at your face. You put up your middle finger. A group of idiots watch this on CCTV, fine you, ban you, take you to prison and then hang you in the street whilst shouting Nazi slogans.

It sounds ridiculous, but it happened last night. Of course in the film version, the child is played by Rafael, the tattooed man is Bellamy, the evil bald man is Mike Dean (know owner of 5 palaces in Abu Dhabi) and the cave dweller is Carlos Tevez. The group of idiots are the FA. The person who plays you is Gary Neville. The metaphor may not be perfect, in fact I thought of it last night whilst my rage blinded my creativity.

The point remains true. Although it is only half time (someone should have told the City fans that at the end of the match) the penalty totally swung the tie. Mike Dean overall had a rather shocking game and refused to book Bellamy for smashing into Valencia's face after a bad foul on Rafael. As well as Tevez for going rather high on Wesley Brown. The next leg should be quite something.

Before that though was a comfortable-ish win over Burnley. Fortunately for us Burnley don't have any good strikers and they don't have Owne Coyle anymore - but we improved. Which is something we've been slowly doing (and will continue to do) after all our players decided being injured was hip.

Diouf who scored against Burnley and had a good chance against City certainly looks a promising prospect. Already 16x times better than Manucho (and if you know your maths right that makes him 96x better than Dong Fangzhou [yes, he did really play for us]) and with a spring for headers similar to that of Paddy Evra we may have a very good signing on our hands.

Looking before the second leg though is a home match against Hull City. Who are still managed by Phil Brown, so we will win. Yes we will. We will, honest.

I also want to say how much I agree with the current Green and Gold until the Glazers are out campaign. I needed to say I agree with it or they might change their minds, yes I believe I'm that influential in my head. I'll probably change the blog to such colours at some point (possibly it will be green and gold as you read this) depending on my laziness levels and how easy it is to do on Blogger. And yes I understand the irony that the blog is called Rossobianchi but I'm not going to rename it Verdeoro, as it's more effort.

I admit freely to being a dunce at anything finacial. The entire subject confuses, irritates and bores me. I don't like people talking about money unless it precedes them giving it to me. At which point I will waste (or invest) it on booze. So, from what I hear the Glazers are doing bad things. Which doesn't surprise me anyway, but I have no interesting insight at all. Just read the Guardian's site for that.

According to the press, we're interesting in a bunch of players... but we're skint anyway so there's no point speculating.

This blog has been brought to you by;

• Blind rage.
• Trying to not think of my favourite James Bond when bonds are mentioned with our finances.
• More blind rage!
  

#32 - Hypothetical

With news (well, rumours) of our great captain, leader, revolutionary, hero and facial-haired legend Gary Neville (pictured) possible calling it quits at the end of the year. Is it time to start examining who could vill the void as the capitano?

Ryan Giggs: Vice captain, sports personality of the year, living legend, has the abilty to go into your house at night and watch you sleep if you live in Salford: Surely one of the strong contendors for those who think "change is not good". There is a feeling among some fans (myself excluded) that Ryan Giggs isn't "captain-material" this though tends to just mean he doesn't shout at everyone constantly. Understandably good point is that he doesn't play every game and thus his impact as captain would be muted.

Wayne Rooney: Above mentioned "captain-material" but certainly a driving force. Can swear like Roy Keane could. Scary like Roy Keane was. Likes dogs as much as Roy Keane does. Still though, there are some doubts about his temperment (this is from football pundits who have not watched football for years yet continue to be on television) but there is no question that he is committed to the cause. Sir Alex thinks he could be a future captain... could he be next season?

Darren Fletcher: From "aw no not Fletcher again" to "bloody hell, we would have won that if Fletcher had played!". One of the most improved players in some time. He has many things going for him as a captain. Firstly, he's Scottish. It is a well known fact that Scottish people are loud. They absolutely can fucking swear. Already the captain of Scotland on account of possibly being the only good Scottish player besides possibly... Ally McCoist. Still.

Patrice Evra: I'm moderately sure that Paddy Evra was the captain for a match recently. I've forgotten which one, but I'm almost certain it happened. Our most consistent player since 2007, and probably the best in the world in his position. Cheryl Cole will not doubt soon be Cheryl Evra. That's is she's Patrice's cup of tea that is. Many "purists" or "people with false pride who cling onto national history for the own self-worth" may want a british captain. Forgetting where Eric Cantona was from. Strong candidate, popular with fans, almost certainly popular with anyone worth a damn. And very funny. Plus he told Lampard to suck his pussy. Something no other professional has said in the game that I know of yet.

Nemanja Vidic: Estimated that 15,000 opposition strikers have been killed by Nemanja Vidic in the last 200 years. It's an impressive death toll. But with so many more strikers unaccounted for, what's the true figure? There are many Vidicaust deniers like Nick Griffin who say people exaggurated the figures of how many strikers died. It doesn't matter really. Vidic kills. It's even a song - no more evidence is needed. Vidic has captained the club before, recently too if I remember (probably wrongly) in a match we probably won. Ok, I'm not sure. I'm not going to research, I don't get paid. Anyway. He seems to be leader material, he doesn't need to swear because he's hard as nails, if nails were Terminators. The only question is the lingering doubt of whether he's staying. Despite his agent, himself, myself, Jonathan Ross saying that he will definitely be staying when Real Madrid are concerned, there's always an element of doubt, because they're bastards. If he does stay, he's a contendor, for sure.

Edwin Van Der Sar: Not exactly a long term option, since Edwin Van Der Sar was goalkeeper for the first ever football match in Three Kingdoms era China (something I'm a bit of a geek about). So experience is plentiful. He is known to swear too. And could be seen as a stand-in captain until someone like Rooney or Fletcher is old enough to take up the captaincy. For some reason young captains tend to be frowned upon by old men who used to watch football wearing flatcaps in the days where the world was black and white.

Rio Ferdinand: Has been captain many times before. So a very strong contender. The only problem with Rio Ferdinand lately is his fitness. His mystery back problem seems to be no better and of course we don't want a captain who doesn't play. If he is fully fit though, surely a favourite.

Michael Carrick: Some aren't fond of Carrick, I am. He passes the Daily Mail reader's test of being English, and has experience. But with our every changing midfield, will he play enough to warrant captaincy?

Park Ji-Sung: Was captain for about 8 minutes in an already won Champions League match back in 2005 I believe. Then played like a maniac for 8 minutes. So, giving him the armband all the time may send him in to total overdrive mode forever. Maybe we'll just make him believe he's captain instead.

Paul Scholes: Does what ever he wants.

Other possibilities: John O'Shea, Wesley Brown, Owen Hargeaves.

Any thoughts?

This blog has been brought to you by;

• Over exagguration.
• Beer.
• Still wanting to see Gary Neville's house (one of his neighbours [not Alan] sounds like a twat).
  

#31 - Ugh

That is how I feel right now.